It's Saturday Morning...

It's Saturday morning and what do I see?

I write to you in real time. Writing as I sit on my back porch in the “early” morning (8:30), yet life is in full swing here.

I see GRASS! Lots of grass, and plenty of it has been chopped by children with cutlasses (knives, basically) in the last few weeks. I see DK walking away from the younger boys, probably laughing at their antics. I see Benard (age 6) picking up sticks to try and light on fire. I see Gabriel trying to talk to Bismark through the window. I hear Gaga yelling across the grass at me. I see Theresa and DK walking up to me, Theresa asking if we can go unlock her classroom to get her homework. I see a group of children, I can’t quite make out who, washing their clothes by hand behind their house. I see faces that are thankful the water came back after being off all day yesterday. I see Daddy Joe, our house farther, sitting on the steps of the storage room overseeing everything. I see and hear Benard and Bismark playing in the grass yet fighting so that they have something to yell to me about… “Auntie Kathy, he is pressing my neck!” I see Gaga running toward me now that DK and Theresa have left. I see Moses, Gabriel, Amenyo, Bismark, and Benard trying to make a fire… Note that all of them are under the age of 8. I see John using a piece of wood as a whistle. I see the breeze blowing thel eaves on the trees… The breeze that we are so thankful for, as it keeps us “cool” even in the 100 degree heat. I see construgtion workers putting the ceiling on our new covered shelter area. I see Gabriel reflected in my computer screen, as he feels the need to come join the “party.” Now I see him dancing, even though he doesn’t think I can see him behind me. I see the Shai Hills to my right, even though the haze has prevented this in recent days. I can barely see the hills to my left, as the dust from the Sahara settles into our air. I see Gaga trying to recount the capturing of a rabbit recently, only to have Gabriel tell me it’s a mouse and not a rabbit. I hear Gabriel singing along with “Mighty to Save…” love it (“That song… Auntie Autumn’s song!” -Gabriel).I see a partially finished children’s home, waiting to house our older boys. I see red dirt scattered with different pieces of garbage that the wind hs blown astray from our large garbage pile. I see my house behind me, dirt stains on the outside walls and empty rooms waiting for guests to come. Oh Gabriel… My little dancer. I see the rabbit cages that house no more rabbits… Abbarently the  kids didn’t feed them over break and they died (sorry Anna!). Far off I see the basketball court, waiting to be covered by children by the afternoon (likely playing football instead of basketball). I see the soccer fields far off, the favorite thing of many of these children here. I finally see smoke from the fire the boys are trying to create, apparently to cook a mouse that they caught… In all of this, I see freedom. I see dreams. I see a vision from John and Stacy. I see opportunities for growth. I see the faces of beautiful, precious children. I see hope. But most of all, I see God and the way He has loved and blessed this place.

Gabriel: “Auntie Kathy, what time do you go to your house in America forever?” Oh how I hate that question…

Sacrifice

As I walk along the road to Doryumu, our nearest village, with my new playlist from Callie Gordon blaring in my ears replacing the silence of the farmland that surrounds me, I contemplate what is happening in my life “without” me. Parts of my life that I am living from 7,000 miles away… Devin and Ryan’s recent engagement, my two Burrow mates wedding planning in Spokane together, Caty’s first year of teaching, my sister’s volleyball tournaments and junior year of high school, little Caitlin’s contagious laugher, friends in their first year of graduate school, new marriages, Alyssa passing her WEST-E, Holly’s adjustment to life in the States, Lynne’s new job in Costa Rica, new jobs and new romances for many dear friends, break ups, Caty and Randi spending the weekend together in Montana, my brother and mother’s birthdays… There are so many things that I wish I could be more present for. I have been back in Ghana for less than a week, but these things feel farther away than ever.

I keep walking. I want to weep.

My favorite climbing tree is coming up on the walk. My destination… My solitude. Today three cars, a person walking, and a person on a bike passed me without realizing I was hidden in the thick of the leaves. Since people usually make a scene when they see me on that road, I am sure I went unnoticed.

“As long as you keep on fighting, I swear there’s a silver lining, You’re gonna see the sun come out…” Give it Time, Tyrone Wells.

As Tyrone Wells sings this line in my ears, a streak of the beautiful white birds that make their home in a nearby tree flew across my path. The white birds that flock together on the same tree at the end of every day and provided a source of wonder and enchantment for me and Holly all fall. The white birds that remind me there is a silver lining… But it doesn’t come easy. And this brings the tears from my eyes as they look to the sky for understanding.

Back in May, Autumn sent me words I needed to hear, yet were hard to swallow… are still hard to swallow sometimes. “Was praying for you this morning and your decision to come work with us for a year. This passage came to mind: Luke 14:25-35.”

The title of this passage in my Bible is “The Cost of Being a Disciple.” Today, I am feeling that cost. “Whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple (verse 27).” Yes… I will carry that cross. But I will remember that there is a cost in that.

This is what the Lord calls us to do! He calls us to listen to Him and go where we are called, whether that be in Western Washington or in West Africa. I know that wherever I go, I will be missing someone… A lot of someones. My heart is spread out all over the States and all over the world… Little pieces of it on different continents, different coasts, different states… But as things happen far away, I mourn being out of the “action.” I want to celebrate these times and invest in these memories. And I will, as much as I can from here… But I find myself wishing I could be more present.

I know that I am where I am supposed to be. Even when getting started in school is hard and different responsibilities and challenges are being looked at, I wash the dirt off my feet and arms at the end of every day knowing that it means a day spent serving a God who has been so merciful to me… A day being the hands and feet of Jesus here in Ghana. “If not us, tell me who will be, like Jesus to the least of these”… Fine, Audio Adrenaline. I will be. And I have to remember that this “hands and feet” job doesn’t end in four and a half months (wow, that sounds so short yet feels so long) when I return to the States. I might not wash the red dirt off my feet at the end of the day, I might not take pictures of children laughing in my class as we crowd at the back table trying to talk over the fan (I discovered this morning that my classroom got two ceiling fans over break! What a blessing!) and the other teacher and students in the room, and I might not be pulling words out of sweet Bismark or resolving fights between Hannah and Enoch… But that doesn’t make my new calling, whatever it will be, any less valuable.

But right now, this whole Africa thing feels hard.

Not too hard. Just hard. As Robin reminded me this morning, I am not to be deceived by feelings! I am to rest in the truth and call of the One who never fades… the One who never changes… The One for whom nothing is too hard.

“Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I am for your kingdom’s cause…”

I pray for more of this. For more perspective and for more empathy. God, more than anything, I pray for more of you…

Back in Ghana

Well here I am, back at my living room table in West Africa! My house is quiet, as our staff girls watch a movie in their room, Emily sleeps, and Holly is not here anymore… Just me, the gecko on the wall (which I lost… that’s never a good sign. I like knowing where he is), and some sweet music. My travel back was LONG, starting at 3:45 Monday morning from LA and ending at 9:00 last night when I was back at City of Refuge! I had a 3 hour layover in Chicago and a 7.5 hour layover in Germany (where I was wearing flip flops and capris… Not my best planning) so there was a lot of down time.

I struggled to get myself out of bed Monday morning after spending such a wonderful weekend down in Southern California with the Villalpando family. I guess the bigger struggle was actually getting to sleep the night before… I wasn’t willing to sleep knowing that all my “goodbyes” were said and I really had to do this leaving thing the next morning. All the way from LA through Germany, I was pretty much an emotional basket case… I spent a lot of time crying frustrated and lonely tears in the Frankfurt airport, but eventually I had to get things together and go find myself some food. Now that I am back here, I am happy to be where I am… But leaving was hard.

Things I’m not at all surprised that I heard on my first (few) day(s) back in Ghana:

“Auntie Emily! No, Auntie Holly. No, AUNTIE KATHY!” (Eventually they get my name right…)

“You come back! They said you would come yesterday but you not come so I think you’re not coming.” (I got back after they were all asleep)

“You come and Auntie Emily come, but Auntie Holly, she will not come.” (Don’t remind me…)

Me: Gabriel, you look like you got smaller when I was gone!
G: They gave me a small shirt…
Actually, you’re right! The fact that your 7 year old self isn’t wearing a large shirt would be exactly why you look smaller! When they rescued Gabriel, he was wearing just an oversized t-shirt… And he has had a hard time giving up that habit.

“Don’t ever shave your legs again. When you shave your legs, it will look like you have salt on them.” (No, I have no idea what this is supposed to mean!)

“Auntie Kathy, your hair is nice!” (It’s still is so funny to me how much they love long hair, especially when it’s down)

“Auntie Kathy, I found your hair!” (They think it’s hilarious when my hair falls out and they find it somewhere, usually on their shirts)

“Your hair was down to here, and now it’s only to here!” (They are seriously so observant... They even notice my haircuts!)

“Who is this thing from?” (This necklace is from my mom… Again, they notice everything!)

“You are handsome!” (I’ll take it.)

“You have things all over your face!” (That would be called acne… Thanks Miracle!)

“Is Malvin your husband?” (Yes. I am married to a two-year old.)

“When Auntie Autumn comes, she will bring us gifts!” (It’s the little things…)

“Auntie Kathy, at 5 o’clock you will come play football!” (I went.. But they were playing a real game and I get scared. So I sat and talked with Abigail instead!)

Me: I just got back last night and I slept all morning so I am a little bit out of it!
Teacher: Well, Akwaaba! (welcome)
Me: Oh, madase (thank you).
Whole staff: “AY!!! You speak like us!”
Yes… Fluently. A whole 5 words or so in their language! Which could be 1 of 3 languages, and the things are I know are in a couple different languages. My vocabulary is up to…

·         Ba/brah- come

·         Ochina- tomorrow (like “see you tomorrow!”)

·         Akwaaba- welcome

·         Madase- thank you

·         Pa- much

·         Me pacho- I beg you/please

·         Etesein- hello

Note that all of these are probably spelled wrong… Except akwaaba. I know that one!

Things I’m not at all surprised that I experienced on my first day back in Ghana:

-3 year old pulls down his pants to poop behind the children’s home, only to end up getting poop all over his pants. I enter this situation as he is walking around the back of the house with no pants (or underwear… apparently not important today) and wiping the poop off of his shorts and onto the house. Awesome. Thankfully, I avoid getting poop on me as I drag him back to the house to get cleaned up.

-Baby Joel attaching himself to my left foot, therefore leading me to walk up and down the school halls with a third leg

-Sweet tears from Robin Beebe J

-Sleeping from 11:00-2:00, waking up and not being able to fall back asleep until almost 5:00, and then sleeping like a rock until Stacy came and woke me up at 11:30.

-A case of my missing sheets… I have found one set, but who knows where the other one is! That’s my fault for forgetting to bring them off the drying line before I left!

-Discovering how many things I meant to bring back with me but somehow didn’t

17 January 2012

Today I woke up at noon. Yesterday I woke up (well, was woken up) at 11:30. Adjusting to the time is appearing to be much more difficult this time that it was the first time I got here. Last time, I was up at 7:30 the first day ready to go… This time, not so much. I haven’t been to school yet, as today I have been fighting off a headache all day as well. I am loving spending some quality time with my CORM kids, as I actually have the energy to hang out with them after school! Long talks with Abigail, words of missing Holly with Mary, exchanged laughs with the little boys on the football field, homework “help” with Miracle (who can do it all himself, but wants the attention of someone helping him or checking his answers), cuddle time and new hairdos from Florence, and times of teasing Gabriel…

Me: Oh look, it’s Amenyo!
Gabriel: No, I’m Gabriel!
Me: Oh, hi Benard!
G: No, Gabriel!
Me: Sorry Gaga! I was wrong!
G: Auntie Kathy, it’s me!
Me: Yes, it’s Malvin!
G: It’s Gabriel!
Me: Ok, bye bye Edwin!
G: Bye Auntie Kathy…. No, bye Auntie Holly!

Eventually he caves in and plays along J

The seasons are changing here, and sunsets are different… Still full of color, but hazy and hidden behind a cloud of dust that hides the mountains from our view. Winds from the Sahara are rolling through, putting plenty of dust in the air, on our furniture, and on our skin! It’s also HOT, not cooling down as much as it did in the “fall” once the sun goes down, and pounding on our backs when the sun is out. Rainy season is officially over, which is too bad, considering watching it rain is probably my favorite thing to do here…

I am loving being here… Now I need to figure out how to get into a routine that leaves me loving being in the classroom as well!!

PS- Mom, those Jones soda candies that you wanted to know if they were good? They’re not… just so you know! J

Words of Joy

1/26/2012...

"15). god is a multi-tasker and has got it under control, you’ve just got to calm down and trust him"

Wise words from a sweet friend. Liz, you may not look at your blog anymore, but apparently I do. It's bookmarked on my iPad and sometimes I read it because I can head you saying everything on there with such pure joy and it makes me smile.

I am thankful for these words and their simple reminders. Thankful for the truth that is in them... That our hearts are constantly being worked on, constantly being prepared for the many journeys we don't even know we are going on.

Today I could feel lazy and down. I didn't leave the house until after my sister was home from school, I didn't shower, I picked up pizza for dinner...

But I also go to talk to Tricia and Anna. I got to laugh with my sister. I got to watch my brother perplexed by the Kinect. I got to drink hot chocolate out of my mug from Devin and watch three episodes of Fringe. I got to have raw, honest, loving conversation with Caty. I got to pick up things at the store for people in Ghana that I love and can't wait to see.

I think I'll call today pretty successful. Instead of "waiting around" for 34 hours to head to California, I think I'll put on a smile and cherish the time in this city. Who knows when it will come again!

I think I'll choose to calm down and trust Him. Why wouldn't I?

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Adoption

John 14:18... "I will not leave you as orphans-- I will come for you."

Portia is home. HOME! Home in Knoxville, TN with a beautiful new sister and two parents to call her own. Though I have known a few families throughout my childhood who adopted children, both domestically and internationally, adoption hasn't really hit home until I had to kiss this little beauty of a girl for the last time.

Portia (L) and Florence (R), our littlest CORM girls!

Part of me wants to be sad because I will miss her so, but I have no right... Hours upon hours have been spent by people all over the world for this little girl to get a shot at going home with two people who love her,  whom she will get to call mom and dad, and those prayers have finally been answered! God is so faithful!

I brought a journal from my sophomore & junior years of college with me to Ghana, and sometimes I enjoy flipping through and seeing the lines that run through my journey over the last few years... One of the things I found that surprised me in there was a note about possibly wanting to adopt or do foster care when I am older. I don't ever remember this being something I was interested in... But apparently, if only for a fleeting moment, it has been on my heart for longer than I thought.

There are children I know who I wish I could pack in my suitcase and take home with me (watch out, Florence & Malvin & Pamela & Amenyo & Moses & Gamali & Bismark!). There are children at another orphanage who were willing to call me "Mommy" the first time they met me. There are children here who need love... And right now, love is what I can give them. Parenting, maybe not right now... But there is a lot of love to go around.

I am so thankful for the Miller family and the new chapters that Portia and Mabel are writing in their books in Knoxville. I am thankful for all the beautiful, fatherless children I know and for that Father that continues to call them His.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5

Spokaloo

Thank you, girls, for making ice skating come true! :)

December 16, 11:00am --> Arrive in Seattle
December 18, 9:30am --> Leave for Spokane!

I lasted less than 48 hours in Seattle before jetting off to Spokane to spend six glorious days with some of my favorite people from college! This time included ice skating, coffee with my supervisor, coffee with my pastor, coffee with Devin, coffee with Tricia (do you see a pattern?), dinner with the Compound boys, a night at O'Dohertys, Twigs dinner with Tric & Dev & Cory, Zumba, sleepover at Margo's house with Caty, a Sunday morning at Branches, time with the Parlange boys (who I nannied for 6 months... They are getting so big!), and lots of simple living and loving... It was beautiful. Thank you so much, Shell Cottage (Tricia, Devin, and Taylor) for letting me crash on your couch.

Highlight of the week: Getting to tell Tricia that I would be able to come to her & Jesse's wedding :)

This community is what I miss most in post-college life... The listening ear of Devin, the made up songs with Tricia, the meals shared with friends who have stuck through the good and the bad, the not-so-surprising run-in with people you know at Starbucks, Branches and the love it has shown me... Even though I know that my life in Spokane isn't there anymore, and would still be so different if I were there again this year, I do greatly miss the stability and love that my four years at Whitworth held for me. So thankful that this place will be a part of me forever.

Big Screen TV's

Costco Connection Magazine, January 2013
Article: How do I? Easy fixes for decorating dilemmas.

"How do I choose a color scheme for my home?"
"How should I place furniture in a room?"
"Where should I put my big screen TV?"

I found this and had to come out and show Lynne... "Where should I put my big screen tv?" Really? Not even just a normal old TV... But a big screen TV. This is one of our 5 most important questions to put in this article?

Things that have overwhelmed me in the States this trip: Christmas. Menus (especially coffee menus). Cityscapes. The cold. The number of shampoo and deodorant choices. Fundraising.

I live with people who got a single new outfit for Christmas and probably spent the whole day dancing. I see the callused hands from the work that is done by these children day in and day out. I listen to stories of slavery and abuse. I see Jesus bringing freedom to children who have never know that word before.

And in the States, our biggest concern is where to put our big screen TV?

I don't know what to do with that.

Returning to Ghana

In one week I will be about to land in Frankfurt, Germany on my way back to Ghana! I have the opportunity to spend a few hours with Anna Richter around the Frankfurt airport before I will hop back on one final plane.

I have done most of my visiting, storytelling, listening, and "see you soon"'s. I have talked and loved and been loved on and ate... Boy have I eaten on this trip. But I don't know if I've really processed yet.

Tonight I finally got around to putting up pictures on Facebook, since I figured out how to make the internet work again on my laptop. Looking through the pictures of the kids and seeing their sweet faces... Oh how I can't wait to go back and hold them all!

Bismark... I just can't resist this little face!

This trip has been kind of a blur of faces and thoughts, all focused on the fact that soon, I will be back in Ghana... Back with these kids who have captured my heart... Back to a place that is far away from the country I have called home my whole life.

I will return to the States in June to start applying for jobs.. I have a lot of financial aid debt to get settled, and that involves a number of years (5+) working in the States. We'll see where God takes me from there, but for now I will keep praying that my heart is truly changed by the things I am experiencing in our broken, fragile world.