The view out my window as we started our descent into Germany!
These last 24 hours have been some of the hardest moments of my life. I woke up Saturday morning with a pit in my stomach... "Today's the day," I told myself. The day I have to leave 38 little souls whom I love to pieces, the day I leave the volunteers and missionaries who have given their hearts to City of Refuge for different amounts of time, the day I leave my sweet friends Autumn and Emily, the day I leave my home...
Oh, shoot. I thought my tears were finished for the time being.
(Side note: Flight attendants look at you strangely when they ask you a question and you look at them with tears on your cheek. Try and avoid this situation if possible. Good luck.)
For the last 9 months, I have teased Autumn about her constant Instagram-ing. During church services, sitting at dinner, or walking home from school, it's not unlikely for her to stop and snap a picture of something beautiful, funny, or precious... Never have I been so thankful for this as in the last day. I saw these kids 22 hours ago and I already miss them so, so much...
Many of the kids that I worked with were orphaned. Some of them were sold into human trafficking. Some of them were abandoned at a young age, left with a elderly family member, or with no family members at all. All of them have felt pain... So much pain. And yesterday, in a few of their hearts, I felt like I was bringing all this pain back to them as I kissed their heads for the last time (for now... I know I will be back). I don't want them to feel abandoned... If only they could understand how deeply they are loved by me, but most importantly, loved by Jesus. I know that they are stronger than I can even imagine and that they are going to be just fine... But seeing Florence's eyes, dead and full of pain, so confused about why she keeps being left behind... It brings me to tears just picturing it. In those moments, I can only pray for the comfort of Jesus... Nothing else will suffice. And I pray the same for myself... I know I was called to Ghana for a specific season, but right now I am having a hard time reconciling the ending of this part of my life.
This week, I get to celebrate the wedding of my wonderful friends Tricia and Jesse. This week, I get to live with my beautiful Devin and share the excitement of her engagement that I haven't been around for. This week, I get to reconnect with people who I haven't seen in five months, and some even longer... I am excited to see these people and see the work the Lord is doing in their life. A week from tomorrow, I get to see my future school and get a small, quick glimpse of the life I will be living in Kennewick. This summer, I get to share the joys of what God is doing in my heart with people all around the country,and for that I am thrilled...
But this week, I also continue the process of figuring out what to do with the pain, hurt, and poverty I have lived along side for the last 9 months. This week, I will eagerly stalk Autumn's Instagram and cling to every small piece of life at City of Refuge I can get my hands and eyes on. This week, I'm pretty sure I will continue to cry and cry, missing so much...
This week, I will still walk alongside the same Jesus that walked with me in Ghana day in and day out. And if I keep my eyes fixed there, I have to trust that no matter how much pain is there or how many tears I shed, my soul can rejoice in the work He is doing in this world, and the work He has done in me.
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