Magical Monday.

Today as I sat on the ground next to our snack cupboard, my heart hurt as I watched my sweet "I" cry, using his broken words and sign language to ask me for more candy. "First art, then candy" I repeat to him, though the desire in his eyes pierces me.

Before I realize what's happening, "N" has turned around in his (my) swivel chair, and wraps his arms around "I". Not in the gruff, frustrated way that I expected, but in a sweet, tender way... "Oh, come here!" he says. I look up at the two boys, ages 7 and 9, not yet realizing how sweet this moment would be. With genuine concern in his eyes, "N" aims to settle "I"... "You need to calm down... Take deep breaths!" With that, "N" tries to get him to breathe... Inhaling and exhaling himself, though "I" seems to take no notice.

I was brought to tears instantly... This boy has been fighting us, struggling to make the right choices, refusing to cooperate... Yet his heart is so gentle.

Today, my classroom was (relatively) quiet. That NEVER happens... and you would need to witness a typical day with my (usually... sometimes... kind of) sweet kiddos to treasure the quiet as much as we did. I am humbled by the way my kids served each other today... Sometimes it was with a desire to earn fruit snacks and other times it was so that they could get to a preferred activity sooner, but they still did it. Again, that never happens... and I am thankful. I'll leave out the part about my 6 year old saying he "hates" things or that "this is BS" (though he definitely doesn't abbreviate!) 32 times in a 15-minute work session... Today, that part's not important. There was love in my classroom... and that's the best Monday I could have asked for!

"God loves you the same."

This week, I received five letters from precious little souls who live halfway around the world from me. As someone whose love language includes the written word, these letters were tools to both fill me up and allow tears to come crashing down upon me. I miss them... so much.

But there was a line that stuck with me. Sweet Grace, 16 years old, was thanking me for the time I spent in Ghana last year, and she told me "Thank you for loving us. God loves you the same."

So simple... Yet how quickly I forget.

I know how much I adore these children... I am not a parent and while I hope to be some day, I know there is a love that cannot be matched outside of parenting... But this love that I do feel, whatever kind it may be, is still consuming... powerful... strong... It makes me weep as I yearn to be back with their sweet souls. I long for all 41 children I lived with to know how deeply I love them and how much I want the best for them. I want Florence to know how deeply the pain in her eyes pierces my heart every time I look at the pictures from the day I left. How badly I wish I could just bring her home with me... Yet I know that God has a greater plan for her in Ghana. I want the older kids to know that regardless of their past or lies that have been said about then or pain that they continue to work through, they are beautiful in my eyes and have so much to live for. I want them all to know how deeply I love them.

And then Grace's words sink in... "God loves you the same."

In this case, it means that God wants all these things and more... for me. The Psalms tell me that he wants to grant the desires of my heart... To guide me down a path of righteousness... To set me free from my past... To lead me to a place of rest and worship... He wants me to trust this His plans are good...

He wants me to remember that He loves me the same. I can only imagine how strong that Love must be...

So thankful for the beautiful, wise Grace!