Officially Unemployed

No, I did not lose my teaching job next year. I guess, technically, I signed a contract so I am "employed." But since I'm not getting paid, I prefer to describe it as being "volunteered." Which isn't quite as satisfying, since there are no paychecks that come with being volunteered. BUT that's not the point! The point is that summer camp with Seattle Parks & Rec is over and I LOVED it. The kids were awesome, my coworkers were great, and living in Seattle was so much fun. Here are a few pictures from my last few weeks.

This is my co-counselor, Ashley (with Peter). We work with the same co-counselor all summer so that we get to know how the other person works and be able to become a solid unit (ideally). Ashley and I always had a ton of fun making up songs about, well, pretty much everything, and keeping the Poppin' Penguins smiling.
As you can see, Anna is also in the background. We are asked to try and bring volunteers with us on Friday for zoo days as an extra set of eyes and hands, so Anna came with me one week and Caty was able to come the week before!

 This is Hans, one of my favorite campers. It was Thursday during the last week of overnight camp, so we were all a liiiittle bit tired.

 Gracie Lou Who! Gracie was in my group for two weeks and though they were DEFINITELY challenging, I'd say we came out on top. I adore this girl.

 This is Hans again at the penguin exhibit at the Woodland Park Zoo. Day Camp is right across the street from the zoo and they let us in for free every Friday. It was pretty awesome!

Oh, sweet Tiffany... I wish I had a picture of her scrunched up face because it was the face we made at each other most of the time. She is so silly and loves to say "Shhh!" really loud at you in lieu of ever talking to us. She can talk, she just typically chooses not to. But she is so loving and sweet, I wish I had her in my group at some point.

This is just a little snapshot of my life there. I loved this summer and am sad that I won't be back in time to do the job again next year. If any SpEd people want a summer job next year (that ends in early August!), you should do it!!!

Nerves

I've never been good at change. Since 8th grade, I would have been quick to admit that... I struggle with friendships changing, relationships being lost, comfort being shattered, and the huge pit at the bottom of my stomach that comes with the new. Sometimes I forget how much the beginning of college was a struggle for me... missing the security of home and the friends that knew me well. But now, I wish I could have stayed in those college moments forever.

But alas, I cannot. In 8 days I will go back to Spokane to see some dear friends before I leave. The Burrow will have new people living in it, volleyball girls will have taken over the Compound, I will be staying in West Central, Whitworth is no longer my school, and Louise will be surprised to see me, as I have not been to Pleasant Blends in almost 2 months... My life in Spokane is not there anymore. And that's the hardest hurdle for me to jump right now.

But it's also not the only hurdle. Anna leaves in one month to live in Germany with her wonderful husband-to-be for 3 years. Three years of uncertain visits and long distance relationships with the ones she loves... and I will miss her so.

Many friends of mine are preparing to start their own classrooms this fall all over the country, and then I think to myself, "Should I have done the same thing? Should I have applied for jobs here?"

My head tells me yes. My heart tells me "No... You are going exactly where you are supposed to be. You are going to Ghana. And God's got your back." Thank goodness.

I feel like I'm standing on a high platform over the ocean and I'm supposed to jump off, but I can't. In 32 days, God's just going to make the platform disappear, and I won't have a choice but to dive (or fall, very ungracefully) in. It feels terrifying... It feels lonely... It feels too big for me. But it is not too big for God.

Depending on who I talk to, I might get an "I couldn't do that... Good for you," a "Well it's only a year and then you can come back and do whatever else you want! You will love it so much," or an "Is it even safe there?" Possibly some other variation of essentially the same statement. No response really makes me feel any better about starting a new life in West Africa. Not even dear Margo's "We're all praying for you." But I am having a hard time praying for myself... It feels too real. And real is scary. And scary hurts. So what do I do?

I think of Kim telling me "I'm going to kick you in the ass if you don't go. You have to do this." How do I say no to that? I think this was really God talking to me through the mouth of a professor, telling me "Who are you to refuse my call?"
I think of Anna telling me, after a two-week trip to Doryumu this summer, "I'm even more excited for you to go now than I was last year when I came back."
I read blogs of those who are already in Ghana, cry, and then cry some more. And then get really excited to be there.
I think of life in two months from now... When I will have been there a month and things don't seem so scary anymore...
I remember that love does not end with distance. This is not an end, but rather a continuation with different circumstances.
I cry. A lot. And know that is okay.
And then I go.

Deuteronomy 31:6... "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Say what!

Today I bought a roundtrip ticket to Ghana. I leave September 4th... That is in less than 2 months. Let the freaking out officially begin!!!

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Today I turn 22... Older and wiser? Hopefully I will be after this year is through. In my first post of this blog, I was talking about living a life of adventure... I wrote that this coming year would include "The year of (cross your fingers) working abroad, teaching special education and growing in all aspects of my being."
This dream is actually coming true.On September 4th I will be leaving to spend ten months in Ghana as a volunteer teacher. This is a decision that I have been praying about for over a year and I am so thankful it is actually happening.To boil it all down, this is what I want the people in my life to know:
God's got a plan. I am volunteering at Faith Roots International Academy through the non-profit organization City of Refuge Ministries. I will be teaching special education there. I will be there for 10 months. I am scared to death. I have to do this.Please check out their website....
Www.faithrootsinternational.com or www.cityofrefugeoutreach.com.
This is a phenomenal organization working on creating sustainable change in a hurting community through employment, education, and empowerment.
Yes, I am paying to go teach. Yes, I realize it is (very) expensive. Yes, it is worth it to me. If you agree and are willing to donate to this cause, I would love that. Send a check to P.O. Box 91546, Sioux Falls, SD 57109 with KT-1 written on the memo. If you feel like it, you could send one every month next year! Please let me know if you do... It means so much to me.
This adventure is big and scary. But it's also a calling, and who am I to refuse.Thank you for all of you who have pushed me through this journey... through conversation and questioning and support and telling me you're going to kick me in the ass until I go... I am so thankful.
Cheers to what lies ahead.

Transition

"I want you to be a block away so I can text you and say 'Lets go on a walk!' and come find you in 2 seconds."

Sent this to a dear friend tonight... It's true. And true for more people than just him. I miss being surrounded by people who loved well.

From my backyard I can see the elementary school I went to as a child... Tonight I took a walk around it, and it's so different looking at this place from the eyes of a teacher. My 6th grade teacher is still in the same classroom, and I wish I remembered more of my time in her class. I have been subbing in a nearby district, and every day I can pretty much guarantee on at least one of these two comments...
1. "She's so tall!" (usually whispered "quietly" to their friend)
2. "Miss Taylor... do you know/are you related to Taylor Swift/Lautner?"

Oh the minds of small children...

This weekend I will move to Seattle to spend a month and a half living with my best friend and working for Seattle Parks and Recreation. This time will be bittersweet, as a close friend gets married, another prepares for her September wedding, and I prepare for adventure... The highest highs and likely the lowest lows of fear, loneliness, and insecurity in what this next year has to come. Praying for light at the beginning of the tunnel and eyes to see the beauty in what lies ahead.

Graduation

In five short days, my undergraduate career will be over. I will walk down the stage and receive my diploma (holder) as Betty Williams, the woman who made me a four-year plan before I ever took a class at Whitworth, calls out my name. My professors will be there, my closest friends will be there, and my parents and brother will be there (Sean, I will miss you dearly, my sister).

On Saturday night, at about 1:00am (though my alarm was set for 7:15am to leave for Bloomsday), I started talking with two friends in their living room about first memories of people from Whitworth... my first memories of coming back from a volleyball trip to New York during which everyone moved in, memories of meeting roommates and friends, memories of people who were "friends" for a few days and then we never saw them again... How short these four years have seemed, yet how long ago that day feels.

I am essentially done with student teaching at this point. I will be in my classroom tomorrow afternoon and all day Friday, but I am no longer teaching. I am just loving life, loving on these kids, and trying to have JM (one of my students who is Deaf) teach me sign language. Today, I was having him read (well, sign) the sentences in his book (e.g. "I smell the dog") and then once he signed them, I would do my best to sign them back to him. I was trying to sign "ant," which looks like this:

...except I had my hands switched (left hand on top) and JM was VERY quick to grab my hands, switch them, and then laugh at me for messing up. Oh how I love this child. He has the greatest facial expressions and never ceases to make me laugh.

I am preparing for a water works show on Sunday... I will be crying my eyes out. My time between May 13th (graduation) and June 20th (my first day of camp) is very much up in the air, though I am finishing up paperwork to substitute in a district close to my parents' house for the remainder of the school year. Crossing my fingers that will work out... But one never knows. For now, it is off to dinner with sweet Liz and our Whitworth supervisor... where I will probably cry more. Because I guess one good cry for the day just isn't enough. Let the tears of loss and change and excitement and freedom and graduation keep on coming...

RememberRing

When I start to forget what day of the week it is, or what my plans are for after school, or remember that Relay for Life is tomorrow and we only have 6 people on our team... I remember my weekend in Napa Valley, California this January.
I remember riding in Devin's car to go wine tasting. I remember strolling down the streets of St. Helena and having the man in the gas station tell us the wrong time for the 49ers game. I remember staring at the vineyards in awe and being thankful it wasn't raining. I remember our wonderful server Linda at Mum, who loved us while serving us champagne. I remember eating at the market and walking from Chinatown to the ferry terminal. I remember endless games of Up and Down the River, with me losing almost all of them. I remember eating steak with the Whitmill family and veggies on the McLennon couch while staring out the beautiful windows at the mountains. I remember buying my Remember Ring from a fair-trade store, as a way of helping me remember these beautiful moments. I remember loving on Caty, Cory, Devin, Erin, and Lynne before Lynne headed back to Costa Rica and the rest of us, minus Erin, returned to Washington. I remember joy and love and bliss.

Today I received my postcard that Margo had us write to ourselves one of the last nights we were in San Francisco. "Remember that J is yearning for love right now... and MJ is giggling at something silly." I loved these kids and I miss them much and often.

Graduation is in three short weeks... How did that happen?